Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
