I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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