She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
