Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
