Porn is love you can see.
Someone shit on the floor
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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