god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
