well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
