you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
