He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
