a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
