before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
