My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
