You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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