This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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