I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
