My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
