dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
