then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Life is so much better after having sex.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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