Nicole vs. Life
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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