definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
