I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
