1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
