I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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