I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't deserve a penis
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
