Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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