K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
