That's when you crack a 10am beer
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have grass duct taped all over my body
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
