I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
