I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
