I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
