remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
