bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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