No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
