i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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