she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i can't believe i had my finger in that
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
did i just pee glitter
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
