So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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