just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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