Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
