Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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