I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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