Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
