there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
