jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
