I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
