pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
