the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
