doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
