i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
