My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so let's talk penis.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They left me at home... I'm a liability
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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