I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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