we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
