Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
