You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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