i think my tv is drunk
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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